Kids?

One enormous, life-changing decision that almost always affects our flexibility where work, income, and career are concerned is the decision to start a family. If there was ever a time to give serious thought to a decision – to the point of playing “devil’s advocate” with yourself (and partner) – this is it. Not only is it one of the biggest in terms of overall impact on everyone involved, it is also one of life's very few completely irreversible decisions.

If you’re not real sure of your career path, it’s usually a good idea to hold off on having children until you are. In prior generations this was pretty much taken for granted – “getting established, then starting a family” was a standard phrase. But like so many other things, the idea of having everything we want right now has spread to the family planning arena as well.

Taking a good honest look at your motivations may be helpful. What are some of the reasons why you might want to start a family right away, possibly sooner than is really practical given your career uncertainty?

• Want to be young for the kids, more energy for all the challenges (and fun times too)
• Possible health concerns (esp. for women) associated with waiting too long
• Impatient to have a family based on your values rather than those you grew up with
• Social pressure: parents, friends, partner – various others in your life wanting to influence your decision. Your partner obviously has the most at stake but ultimately this should be your decision
• Status: some societies have tied legal adulthood to parenthood. Having your own children was the ultimate "proof" of your own adulthood.
• Just like anything else someone wants – you really want to be a parent, so the sooner the better

And what about the other side? Here are some possible reasons to postpone having children:

• More time to experiment and find a career that is most satisfying and secure
• Time to develop some financial stability
• Improved relationship: studies show relationships last longer when children are not brought into the picture too soon
• For the kids’ sake: if you take the time to develop yourself and your career to the extent that you enjoy your work and your life, you can give your children a phenomenal gift: the opportunity to see this done. We learn best by example.

Why be in such a rush to have kids? Don’t get bullied into this. There are many interesting things you can do with your life. Reproducing is for many the only thing of any significance they ever do. This doesn’t have to be you.

You can sell your car, quit your job, move to a different city... but you can't un-have children if you come to realize you've taken this step too soon. Make contact with that part of you that knows what is the right thing to do here and listen to it.